for one unimportant reason, i must post something now.. anything.. so i’m thinking now.. i’ll write about my thesis proposal! haha a typical post of UKP’s communication science student working on a thing named KOLOKIUM.

i used to think (and sometimes i still do) that thesis is no big deal. it’s just like any other assignment we get at school or uni, except it’s bigger. big isn’t bad or scary or anything, it’s just an assignment at a larger scale, and most people can get it done, so why worry? i told my boyfriend that when he was doing his thesis.

last semester i started my proposal. i’ve always wanted to write a thesis on something that i actually care about, something i like, something i have passion for. and i was sure then to write about XXI (the second brand for multiplex in Indo, still owned by the 21 group). for whatever reason, i decided not to take take the examination. and that time, it felt like i was at the very bottom of my academic life and thinking about my thesis actually made me feel nauseous (oh how do u spell this??).

so this semester, i have to retake the kolokium class. (some) new classmates, new spirit! i have to work harder this time.. less WhereToLooking, more Kolokium-ing. can’t graduate in 4 years? 4.5 isn’t so bad.. 🙂 but i have to make sure that i get it right, hopefully at once!

and i am so thankful now, that even though i changed my topic, i managed to still find passion in something else! i love my new topic.. DANONE AQUA’s CSR SATU UNTUK SEPULUH.

PROPOSAL DUE APRIL 2ND, PRESENTATION STARTS NEXT WEEK. ALL THE BEST TO ALL KOLO STUDENTS!

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First of all, this post would be unnecessary if only some people could differ work from personal life. But because they can’t, I have to express my anger in some way so that it doesn’t rot inside me, causing cancer or any other terrible diseases. So here I go.

With work, it should be easy, when we make a mistake, we apologize, get forgiven (or not), then we move on. That’s it. There’s no need to take time to heal the wound before we can forgive or be forgiven by the other party. It is that simple.

On the other hand, when we’re in personal life situation, it may take a while before we can forgive somebody. Why?? Because, it involves feeling, heart, people get hurt. We (or they) might not want to see them for a while because it hurts when we look at them, the people we love, doing awful things, disappointing us in ways we never expected them to do, ever.

Therefore I really hate it when people mix up their work and their personal life. It makes everything a lot more complicated. I made a mistake at college, but I am sure it is not that big that it is unforgivable. So I don’t think my expectation of forgiveness is too much. I am sure this other party, this person I somehow “hurt” would actually accept my apology and we can move on. But… this is not what I’m getting, and it sucks. I realized it wasn’t right, what I did was disappointing and it brought shame to myself, and maybe to this person, if she actually cared. But please…. Let’s be professional, move on already! It’s not like I’m messing with her heart.. And just so you know, my guilty feeling is doing a very good job punishing me, I don’t think any academic punishment is necessary. Besides, this can make me hate that person for a while, which is also a feeling I’m trying to avoid, hatred is bad.

Then of course, there’s another possible version to this story, the one where the other party is not willing to forgive, the one that I don’t want to think of because I just think it’s stupid and unrealistic.

Well whichever version is actually being played in my life right now, I don’t like them both.

And the fact that I’m writing this on my blog..

O God, I think I’m mixing up my college and personal life! Oh nooo!!

P.S guilty feeling lasts longer when u’r not forgiven

Hello world.. how r u doin?

Even though we do get more rain these days, but the sun still rises every morning, and that’s a good thing people, something we should be grateful about..

As for me, my days have been cloudy, very cloudy, for the past 2 weeks or so. It’s not always a storm or a heavy rain, but it is never a bright sun-shining day either.. I’ve just been in the cloudy days.. It feels terrible, the kind of feeling that makes u feel like stayin in bed, under ur comfiest blanket so u don’t have to face the world..

And yesterday, I made a decision about my thesis, I’M NOT HANDING IT IN. That means, my 7 semester resolution whateva thing can’t be accomplished. MISSION FAILED, I FAILED.

Not having classes nor assignments for 3 months, I turned my laid-back mode on, and obviously I forgot to switch back to my studying mode. Despite being depressed of this failure and having a great tendency to drown myself, I have to be able to get back up.

This semester wasn’t a great one for my study, so what? I still have the next, my chance to do better, to be myself again and focus. I wanna get rid of the clouds, I wanna see the sun again, my sun, my hope.

Wish u all bright sun-shining days!!

yes, i am still here, and plan to keep writing..

but now is not a good time, and i’m not sure if the next few weeks will be any better!

thesis is OVERWHELMING..

well, “finish kolokium successfully” is in my 7th semester resolution, i’ll have to work harder to achieve that..

I CAN AND I WILL!!!

I have less than a week to come up with a description of my minithesis, and I have nothing in mind yet! So yes, my panic mode is starting up.. It’s not on yet, but getting there..

hopefully I don't have to hit this button!

hopefully I won't have to hit this button!

I texted 12 people today asking for their titles and anyone else’s that they know, which shows that I’m in desperate need for inspiration, unfortunately, only one person replied (thanks meli).. It is quite annoying that I have to worry about this during my holidays, but I guess I have no other choice. After all, I want my next few months to be filled with something I love. The fact that I’ll be doing my minithesis during those times means I must find a topic that interests me. A title that I have enough passion in, so that everytime I look at it, it can give me the courage and excitement to keep going, after each tear and failure..

God help me find that precious line..