First of all, this post would be unnecessary if only some people could differ work from personal life. But because they can’t, I have to express my anger in some way so that it doesn’t rot inside me, causing cancer or any other terrible diseases. So here I go.
With work, it should be easy, when we make a mistake, we apologize, get forgiven (or not), then we move on. That’s it. There’s no need to take time to heal the wound before we can forgive or be forgiven by the other party. It is that simple.
On the other hand, when we’re in personal life situation, it may take a while before we can forgive somebody. Why?? Because, it involves feeling, heart, people get hurt. We (or they) might not want to see them for a while because it hurts when we look at them, the people we love, doing awful things, disappointing us in ways we never expected them to do, ever.
Therefore I really hate it when people mix up their work and their personal life. It makes everything a lot more complicated. I made a mistake at college, but I am sure it is not that big that it is unforgivable. So I don’t think my expectation of forgiveness is too much. I am sure this other party, this person I somehow “hurt” would actually accept my apology and we can move on. But… this is not what I’m getting, and it sucks. I realized it wasn’t right, what I did was disappointing and it brought shame to myself, and maybe to this person, if she actually cared. But please…. Let’s be professional, move on already! It’s not like I’m messing with her heart.. And just so you know, my guilty feeling is doing a very good job punishing me, I don’t think any academic punishment is necessary. Besides, this can make me hate that person for a while, which is also a feeling I’m trying to avoid, hatred is bad.
Then of course, there’s another possible version to this story, the one where the other party is not willing to forgive, the one that I don’t want to think of because I just think it’s stupid and unrealistic.
Well whichever version is actually being played in my life right now, I don’t like them both.
And the fact that I’m writing this on my blog..
O God, I think I’m mixing up my college and personal life! Oh nooo!!
P.S guilty feeling lasts longer when u’r not forgiven
December 4, 2008 at 9:11 am
My Dear…
I somehow agree with you, but somehow can’t blame you or that one you “hurt”..
It is more because I don’t know what she thought about this problem.. I just guessing it..
Anyway, maybe there is nothing you can do about what she did or will do to you, but I think you can do something for yourself..
Just don’t let that guilty feeling become hatred and obsess your heart..
Hard to do, but i know you can do it.. ^^
This post is some-way you can do to reduce your bad feeling in the REAL world..
Anyway, just let it be the lesson of integrity, rite?! Everyone needs that, not only ypou, and doesn’t mean you don’t have the integrity.. Got what I mean?
Love you so much, dear… ^^
December 4, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Hey Sil!!
Actually I want to ask you “Hows life?” hm.. but I think I’ve got the answer just now.. That’s why I want to meet you when I was in Sby last week.
Sist, this life is full with learning.. Maybe for now, you don’t know yet why you have to face this, but oneday you’ll thank God because of this lesson of life.. I don’t know either but I do believe that you’re a strong and tough girl. Somehow in life, we need to be intercepted, so that we could pause fow a while, to take a breath, and look inside ourselves..
I ever faced unconfinient situation in my study at univ too.. If you still remember about my “KomBis”.. Next semester I must finish that problem too. Until now, I still can’t understand why God let me faced it. That was so hard for me to be faulted, so hard for me to accept all. Huff.. But life must keep on going, so I do what I could do, follow their rule and collect my stregth, not because I’m a looser but just “ok, lets see what will happen next.. Let this complicated situation passed by quickly.
I’m sharing you one of my principles in life: everything has its consequence. So before I do something, I have to realize first what will be the consequence of it. And if I think I could carried it on, I’ll do it and take that risk.
Sil, get up and be strong.. You know, you always have our advice if you want to.. We will always here for you Sil..^^
December 4, 2008 at 2:49 pm
wow, this post brought long comments..
thanks girls.. i know u’r always there for me, and i really appreciate that, but it’s harder now coz we dont see each other as much.
most of the time, i’m by myself, which is the perfect situation to drown deeper and deeper in this stupid emotion.. so glad that today i let some of it out, by writing this post and crying while i was in campus.. but i still have litres of tears waitin to come out..
oh god, i wish this would go by quicker..
December 4, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Sil..
Aku langsung inget, dl km pernah bilang gini,
“Walopun aku capek ce, dengan nangis2 sekalipun, ya tetep kerjaanku tak selesaiin”.
Walopun beda kondisi dan masalah, tp aku rasa kalimat itu ckp menggambarkan dirimu.
Jadi, aku sangat percaya km akan bangkit dan menang=), menang dalam perspektif Allah “)